There’s an ambulance, a police car and a fire engine outside darling,
I wonder what’s going on darling.
Is there a fire, a crash, has someone had a smash darling,
I wonder if we’ll ever know?

I hear the little boy down the road died today darling,
but no one knows why darling.
He left a note by his bedside darling,
said he always wanted to die.

Oh! how I wish I could see over this window ledge darling,
but the television has me rooted so, on the edge of my seat, darling.
If only I could move those few yards to the window ledge darling,
a whole new world would be mine to see.

But alas, I must stay here.
The TV’s on and the risk of missing a programme
is much, much, much too much.

Excuse me darling, can you make me some tea darling?
Quickly, quickly, bring it to me darling, to my lips darling.
Now down my throat darling, not too fast, not too slow darling.
Not down my shirt you fool, darling.

I hear the little boy down the road died today darling.
Cut his throat with a pair of scissors darling.
I always thought he was funny darling, never had any money darling.
I know he was unemployed. I suppose he got annoyed darling.
Never mind darling, we feel fine darling.
We feel fine.

© Edward ian Armchair 2002